i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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