I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
