And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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