oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
