First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
