You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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