You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
