As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
