Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
