Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
