i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
