May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
