i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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