You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
