mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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