i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
