I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
