Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
