What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
