if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
