I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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