They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
a search helicopter?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
