Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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