I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
