piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
