Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
