they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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