listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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