I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
