I wish I only lived at night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
