I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
honey bunches of taint.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just forgot I was standing up.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
