You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
