How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
