Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
