why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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