the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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