I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
