I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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