another moral hangover. fuck.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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