Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize