It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
