I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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