David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
