We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
