Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize