listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
