Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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