I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
