somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
