We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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