I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
