i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
