Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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