I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
