I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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