This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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