people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
