I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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