Cold hands, warm shart.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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