bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
