Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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