The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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