I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
