Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
