Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
