the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
the raccoons are back...
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