I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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